The Bunch Learn A New Normal After L Moves Out

Our Aunt treated us to dinner at the steak house.

We have been processing this quietly as family for the past few weeks. This is all we plan to say to anybody on the subject. Yes, she is NOT 18 yet. No, she did NOT have permission to leave (and selfishly did so while her little brother was at a cardiologist appointment). No, there was no big fight nor was she grounded or in trouble for anything. We have had a couple of issues with her since she joined, of all things, church choir almost 2 years ago. I think allowing her to be around public school kids was a mistake and I was never comfortable with it, but it's church choir it should be a good thing right? After an incident last year, I thought she was finally to a point where she was earning our trust back. I have ALWAYS told our kids how hard it is to earn trust, but they can lose it very easily. Anyways, T and I went to his cardiologist appointment and came home to find L gone. No note. All the pets locked up. We had no idea what had happened and it was terrifying. We called D to come home immediately and help us figure out what in the hell was going on. Fortunately, T found a note she had left just for him saying she had to leave for her safety. At least we knew she left of her own volition and wasn't kidnapped. We have no idea what she is doing for money, if she has food, is still in school, or pretty much anything. We assume her "friends" from church groomed her. We reported her immediately as a run away and contacted everyone we knew to contact. The church security team found her on Sunday and called the police. This is where this tale should end, but sadly does not.

This is the very abbreviated version. The police decided that being so close to 18 was a "grey" area. It's not. The Denton Police department was just being lazy. The law is written very clearly. Anyways, L told them several things that are not true and they decided to let her go at that time. We have had no sightings of her since and after several heated conversations with the City of Denton pd and County we have decided to file formal complaints against several officers across both agencies. Basically, we are creating a paper trail because if anything bad happens to L in the next 6 months we plan to bring a huge lawsuit against both agencies. As a law enforcement family, it both saddens and infuriates us at their level of incompetency.

As for L, we have gone through all 5 stages of grief and back through them all again. At first I questioned what we did wrong and finally realized we did nothing wrong. We provided a loving environment with boundaries to turn her into an independent, successful, moral adult. Our job was successful. She made it through high school with no major behavior issues, made great grades, and aced her college entrance exams. While we would have preferred her to stay here and take advantage of no rent and having her expenses paid ( like her sister has), she picked the struggle and we can only hope that all the good and practical advice we have given her will help her on what is sure to be a hard and arduous journey. She is free to make her own mistakes now. Our job as her parents was completed the moment she walked across that graduation stage. We are now able to give her advice, but if she doesn't listen that's on her. We laid a strong foundation, now she needs to build upon it.

The other two seem to be processing it decently. A is upset L just left and she got no note. She feels slighted since she tried so hard to have a close relationship with her and has always been rebuffed by L. T hasn't said much on the subject. I think he's mostly mad. I have noticed he has purposely not been drinking from the mug L got him for his birthday. As the weeks go by it seems like things are getting more normal. The next hard part will probably be cleaning out her room, but we probably won't worry about that for a bit. We may never know why it happened, but several things have led us to believe she has some mental issues that we never noticed and that need to be addressed. No, I will not get into what those issues are so please don't ask.

On to happier things. We leave this weekend to go camping at Mineral Wells. T picked to go here because he wants to check out some of the small caves they have there. We wanted A to come, but she not only has to work and do school, but also has a dermatologist appointment. Basketball season is almost here and starting in November we will start our insanely busy time. This is where we eat, sleep,and pretty much breath basketball non-stop for three months so we won't have a lot of time for anything.

A is so close to graduating! She only has 3 classes left to take! She will have to pass the state licensing exam after graduation, but she is so excited, and a bit nervous, about being done with school and starting her adult life. She plans to go on a great vacation to celebrate. I am super proud of her!